Lindsay Lohan has had a semi-okay music career thus far, selling 3 million albums worldwide. Her single "Bossy" was underrated and never had an album to accompany it. Like most singing actresses, she utilizes an electronic-heavy pop genre to mask her flaws. Pretty standard. A new song "Stuck" has been leaked (listen here), and sadly it isn't as cool as I was hoping. The beat is definitely addicting, but on the chorus it sounds like she is vocally reaching for "stuck, stuck stuck" -- and never gets all the way up there. The song's a little out of her range. Lindsay claims she doesn't know how the song got leaked...pleassse. It's a great distraction from the hot mess her life has become.
Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester has been dabbling in music for a little while now, but her song "Your Love Is a Drug" is just fun. It's super-short, and has got a summer-y, simple feeling to it (listen here). She has had a few songs with guest stars like Robin Thicke and Lil Wayne, but since her debut album (Love Is A Drug) is supposed to be released this year, she needs to prove that she can step it up solo. Her voice is actually smooth and comfortable, and it will be interesting to see how the album comes out. It will likely be delayed, though, in news that Meester is now filming a new feature, The Oranges.
Frankie Muniz, that guy from Malcolm In The Middle and the Agent Cody Banks movies, has disappeared from acting -- first to become a race car driver (true story), and now to become a drummer for some band in Phoenix. Random. Apparently, Muniz is BFF with Hanson, and Zac Hanson taught him how to play the drums. Good times. Unfortunately, Muniz's band You Hang Up is straight-up mediocre.
Twilight teen sensation Robert Pattinson is even talking about venturing into music. Since he is totally set for life, I'd advise him to stick to what he knows.
Being one of the most famous-for-being-famous socialites of the decade, Paris Hilton woke up one day and decided that she could sing. Well, it looks like homegirl is returning to the studio -- she even claims she wrote all the songs for her upcoming album herself. Paris founded Heiress Records in 2006 (a subsidiary of Warner Bros.) to record her first effort Paris, but was soon dropped—and it looks like nobody wants to record her sophomore album. Parisactually peaked at #6 on the Billboard 200, although overall sales were poor. The single "Stars Are Blind" was a great summer song-- it got lots of MTV rotation, and topped many charts worldwide. Yeahhh…I was as shocked as you were. So of course when that happened, I had to go and listen to every song she ever recorded. And they weren’t bad.
Paris had the help of mega-producer Scott Storch to create a dance/hip-hop/Kylie Minogue-sounding album—but the best part are the remixes. They cover up the vocals; but hey, it’s still kinda her voice under all the drums and bass. The lyrics are brutally honest, detailing her rough life as an heiress looking for love:
”Since I'm already screwed Here's a message to you My heart's wide open I'm just not getting through to the lover in you Yet I'm still hoping That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights And give me a little more room just to prove it to you What do I gotta do?”
Here’s the thing. This girl was born into a hotel empire and knew she never had to work a day in her life, yet she has anyways. So why not add a little singing to her TV shows, modeling career, perfume line, clothing line, a DOG clothing line, purse line, shoe line, cell phone games, sex tape DVD sales, public appearances, acting “career,” books, and even political stints. Paris sings simple, energetic dance/pop songs, and that’s just what they’re meant to be.
Let’s not forget the wise words she has told us live by: "Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in.” With prose like that, I can’t wait to hear the lyrics she’s written on her next album. In fact, some of the leaked songs are a preview of what we’re in for. On “Platinum Blonde,” she says “Oh peroxide, do your work on me.” On “Girl Tax” she croons “My heart beats for the P-R-A-D-A.”
Good times.
The Guilty Pleasures:
To be honest, I LOVE the "Screwed" and "Nothing in this World" remixes. I may or may not know all the words.
You always hear of actors thinking that they can sing too, but I’m pretty sure reality tv doesn’t count as acting. Being famous for being famous is a business of extremes. It’s the new American dream—getting everything handed to you without really having any talent. You don’t have to be an interesting person, but you have to do mildly interesting things—like, for example, be the roommate of an MTV reality star. Heidi Montag has been stretching her exposure for years, riding the coattails of drama-filled Lauren Conrad on the success of her series The Hills. We watched Heidi reach for the stars, drop out of fashion school and get fired at her PR “job.” She talked to tabloids freely about her extensive plastic surgery…at age 21.
When Heidi paired up with another nemesis on the show, Spencer Pratt, the awful duo has been grasping at their 15 minutes ever since. They even wrote a book about it—and apparently, people are buying it. Seriously-- people are actually purchasing the How To Be Famous hardcover book by these douchebags. They’re also buying her clothing line (“Heidiwood” …), her workout plan, and her obviously fake storyline on The Hills. So it’s no surprise that the paparazzi-seeking Montag would try to record a pop album and record a couple of horrible quality music videos. Maximum auto-tune, soft vocal levels, and constant echoes make the noise tolerable. The lyrical content is deep:
“Hoppin out that Maserati All I see is paparazzi For the front cover of a magazine I pose in everything I wear Lots of makeup, people stare Always center of attention Lookin' so bootylicious.”
Not gonna lie, some of the hooks are good. She was able to buy legendary songwriter David Foster to work on her album, and also got Gaga’s producer Redone to work on least one of her songs. I wonder if being obscenely rich leads you to believe that you can really do anything. I’m not sure if it’s worth the embarrassment that’s sure to follow after her album Superficial drops, supposedly in January—though it’s been delayed two years since she has no record label that will represent her. Her solution? Heidi Montag Records/Pratt Productions LLC. If nobody wants her, she’ll do it herself. I guess that by raking in $100,000 per Hills episode, you can do things like that. More power to her—I’m sure she’ll be laughing all the way to the bank. Either way, I still maintain that she should leave music to the talented, and stick with what she knows…whatever that is.
The Guilty Pleasures: “No More” – The piano hook and chorus moves it along, but Heidi’s droning lyrics in the verses kind of kill this song halfway through.
“Body Language” – Who honestly allowed this chick to sample this classic 80s song (Situation by Yazoo)…catchy, nonetheless.
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